What I’m talking about is the huge sigh of relief that is emitted at the news that you took a job. Never mind that you’re developing a business (or two, or three) that interests you tremendously, or buying real estate creatively either for nice profits or actually living in the house. I don’t understand the relief. As long as you’re not expecting the folks to support you financially, why the big sigh of relief? Why is it inherently good to have a job? Not only is it not the path to financial freedom most of the time, it can also create a financial drain! Do people ever take out their calculators and actually measure what they’re putting in their pockets, after commuting, grooming, coffee, eating out, supplies, medical bills for injuries not covered by worker’s comp, and other expenses, for all their trouble? I’ve never heard a parent express wishes that their child will grow up to earn $.60/day being a cog in the machine. They want their children to have authority, respect, freedom. To BE the machine. Have choices.

A sad reality is, that in the years when I was a young kid, newly minted adults COULD buy real estate just by having a job; not necessarily a “great” one either. Houses were available in various price ranges all over the San Francisco Bay Area; when you upgraded your salary, you could get a bigger house. Now even the most lucrative (and I balk at that word being used to describe a job) job might barely get you into a cramped condo at a price that doesn’t leave you much left over….as for moving up to a better house, well, that’s a whole different predicament too. When typical starter homes are three quarters of a million dollars and need work, there are very few jobs available to very few people who can swing it the conventional way. I know there are exceptions, and even some parents out there who are very proud of their business-owning, creative real estate-buying, self-employed kids.

If that’s you, bless you. Your children are very lucky!

I’m Shannon Gunderson and I’m a
href=”http://www.cashflowrealdeals.com”>professional real estate investor,
href=”http://www.originalshannon.com”>artist,
href=”http://www.realestateinvestingexperts.com”>writer, and more. In over two years of being “unemployed”, my partner Jonathan van Clute and I have invested in residential real estate in 8 states and have bought more houses than we ever dreamed of. We are creating the life we have always wanted and will never again be at the mercy of a paycheck. We love to help teach what we do, which is why among other things I write on our blog. I love to get feedback, and would be happy to hear from you!

These software programs advertise that, for a reasonable price, you can easily make your own business plans, often in no time at all. Have you given these programs any though? If you haven’t you may want to.

When it comes to determining whether or not business plan software programs are worth the money, you will find that it depends. In all honesty, it depends on your needs, as well as your wants. There are some individuals who can benefit from the purchase of a business plan software program, but there are also others who cannot. The best way to determine whether or not business plan software programs are a wise investment or a waste of your money is to keep a number of important factors in mind.

One of the most important factors to keep in mind, when determining whether or not you should purchase a business plan software program, is your experience with creating business plans. Have you ever created a business plan before? If not, do you know how to go about creating a plan? If you do not have any experience creating business plans, but you have researched what they need to include, you may be able to make your own business plan, without assistance from a software program. However, if you are unfamiliar with business plans and what information they should include, you may want to rely on a business plan software program. Most of these programs will walk you through creating a professional business plan, step-by-step.

It is also important to examine what your business plan will be used for. For example, do you need to obtain financing for your business? If so, there is a good chance that you will need to approach a financial lender or an investor. When doing so, you will need to have a professional, detailed business plan. Most investors and financial lenders will not financially back a business unless they know it is going to be a profitable one.

Since your business has likely yet to be fully developed, financial lenders and investors will rely on your business plan. Since your business plan will likely be the deciding factor, in whether or not you are able to obtain financing for your next business venture, you will want to make sure that your business plans is as detailed as it could possibly be. To ensure that you do not leave out anything important, you may want to rely on a business plan software program, which also doubles as a business plan template.

The decision as to whether or not you want to purchase a business plan software program is the easy one, the hard one is finding a program to purchase. When purchasing a business plan software program, you may want to thoroughly consider all of your options. Side-by-side comparisons are the best ways to know exactly what you are purchasing and if what you are about to buy is really worth your money.

This article was authored by Ryan Bessling. This 32 year old, Internet marketer was able to quit his 9-5 “job” because of his The Business Plan Guide. He now wants to help others and show you how he made it in Internet Marketing from creating a great business plan!

Ryan Bessling

http://thebusinessplanguide.com

First of all, let’s assume you have a daughter or a son. I getting fed up with writing ‘he or she’ and in any case, most babies are daughters or sons. There should be a word to apply to either sex – ‘it’ sounds too inhuman so sometimes I will refer to ‘she’ and at others to ‘he’. OK?

As a parent, you can help to encourage your child to enter into a consistent sleep pattern if you follow certain steps to encourage her to sleep alone. The first is to observe when and for how long she sleeps, feeds and rests. You might think you know this, but make out a chart and write it all down. This lets you do two things: you will be able to detect a pattern of how long she spends on each of the above activities, and at what times she does it. You will also be able to detect changes to the pattern as you train her to change her sleeping habits.

You won’t be able to change anything during this period: as any mother knows, when they are very young, babies rule! That’s what you call baby power and I have experienced it many times – and I’m just a dad, nothing as exalted as a mom! So this comes from experience, although I must admit that my wife is mostly responsible for this advice: her and her mother – and mine!

You should start to encourage your baby to sleep alone, but with you close by. The warmth of your body is comforting to your baby, and if you give her a cuddle first she will sleep easier if you put her into her bed.

Initially, your baby will not take too well to sleeping alone. Babies like their mothers to be close by, but with a bit of training and practice will learn to sleep by themselves. To achieve this have him in a darkened room during the evening and do not stimulate him in any way. No tickles or visits from relatives at this time. When the baby wakes and cries for feeding or nappy changing do it quietly and without fuss. The objective is to get him into the habit of being at rest in the evening.

Don’t wake him mid-evening for a bath. Bathing should be carried out in early evening before he is put to into his bed. No play at night! This will simply stimulate him and keep him awake. Getting baby to sleep through the night requires him to be settled and peaceful, not excited and stimulated.

Babies wake at night mainly to be fed. Sometimes they are unwell or too hot but it is usually to be fed. A baby’s stomach is the size of your fist and if you are breastfeeding, which is best for your baby, your milk will absorbed much quicker than formula milk. About 90 minutes is normal for digestion, and then your baby may need fed again! If you feed her during the day on demand, and try feeding before settling her down for the night, the feed will last as long as possible.

Many mothers have the maternal instinct to have their baby sleep with them in their own bed. This is natural instinct, originating from times when babies were fair game for nocturnal predators, but these are uncommon in normal urban environments. In some areas of the world it is still valid, but modern mothers should restrict this to having the child sleep in the same room at first.

This is fine: it allows you to tend to your baby during the night without too much disruption and your baby will find a sleep pattern much quicker knowing his mother is close by.

I do not recommend parents sleeping with their babies. It may work for some, but there have been tragic cases. Young babies are too weak to struggle if a parent rolls over onto them, and there have been cases of suffocation occurring in this way.

There is also the question of whether a baby should sleep on his stomach or his back. The normal advice given is that Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) is more prevalent with children put to bed on their stomach than on their back. I am making no inference here, but these are the facts. I personally would choose to place my child on his back at bedtime. After a few months he will be strong enough to roll about and choose his own most comfortable sleeping position.

A bassinet, pram or Moses basket by your bed is a suitable bed for your baby in the early days. You will be less disturbed while feeding, and your child will feel more secure. Children know when their mothers are close by. They can sense you and smell you. If you are breast feeding you will be able to feed your child without leaving your bed: this will help to prevent you from being grumpy during the day. Good for your baby and good for your partner!

Once your baby is around three months old she can be put in a crib to sleep in her own room. It should be achieved gradually, with the light on and with a feed and a cuddle first and you will have to return to the room several times a night for the first few weeks. Some children manage this younger and some take a bit longer, but it will be achieved quicker if you take the above advice. There is no real ‘right way’ of getting your baby to sleep, but this advice is based on what is known to succeed.

Eventually your child will get used to it and will settle down, and though a night light normally keeps them more at ease, you have achieved your objective of getting baby to sleep through the night.

Peter became involved in childhood health issues when his son, Graeme, contracted meningitis and encephalitis when 2 years old, and operates from his website Childhood Diseases He and his wife Margeret were informed that he would likely die, but he lived with permanent loss of hearing in one ear and other problems due to brain damage, He learned as much as possible about childhood diseases to be of more help in the future

The dreaded end of term parents evening beckons and if the last one is anything to go by this is the probable scenario;

Teacher – I think he could put more effort into his literacy lessons.

Me – Carry on.

Teacher – Your son seems to show a lack of interest in his reading and writing classes.

Me – Carry on.

Teacher – I was just thinking what we could do to address the problem.

Me – My son reads, and writes his own stories for hours on end, there is no problem.

Teacher – Maybe but he seems to find it hard at school.

Me – I’ve seen the stuff he brings home from school and quite frankly it’s nearly all outdated rubbish!

Teacher – I’m sorry you feel that way.

Me – So am I but it’s true!

Teacher – What would you suggest then?

Me – I suggest that the faceless archaic bureaucrats supposedly running the education system drag themselves and the curriculum out of the dark ages. I know it’s not your fault and to a certain extent your hands are tied but honestly some of the subject matter bears little or no relevance to modern society.

End of conversation, sound familiar!

My sister in law – (Miss X for the purpose of this story) is an English teacher working in an inner city ‘Learning Centre’ (school). An idyllic job at a well to do all girls College, through her own choice, came to an end and on returning to her ‘roots’ decided to take on a more challenging role. The majority of the kids here have ethnic, mixed race or under privileged backgrounds and as such, rightly or wrongly, need an education tailored to their individual needs. Whether this should be funded by the taxpayer is a question I can not unfortunately answer, I have my own views naturally but lets stick to the plot!

Miss X is involved mainly with kids who think that Shakespeare is the pub round the corner, Wuthering Heights is some naff song their mother plays endlessly and the only writing they do is usually confined to expletives and graffiti in public places. She soon realised that some of the kids didn’t even want to be in school, some of them put up with it but would rather be elsewhere and a handful actually enjoyed the experience and participated fully in her lessons.

She listened to the kids, we’re talking 14 – 16 year olds here, and took on board their needs, comments, suggestions etc and after reading between the lines (and sometimes a barrage of ‘F’ words!) realised surprise surprise, most of them deep down were responsible, caring young adults, they just showed it in different ways.

The most popular gripe held by the kids was, you’ve guessed it, the relevance or total lack of it regarding some of the subjects they were being force fed. The main reason half of them were bunking off every day! Childrens skills are many and diverse, I believe as individuals they should be nurtured accordingly.

Unless they are studying for a degree or writing an essay/paper, young kids today don’t need Shakespeare, Jane Austen, Oscar Wilde etc. Maybe the odd updated example to illustrate a point, but to the kids I’m talking about it’s all a foreign language. Many of the words, metaphors and similies have no use whatsoever in modern day vocabulary. My own feelings are that some of the so called ‘Classics’ are now history and should be placed in that category. Although her job at the school is still in it’s infancy Miss X has integrated more up to date authors/writers into her lessons, interest has grown and student participation has increased along with attendance levels. Nuff said.

How long will it take for the aforementioned education chiefs to brush away the cobwebs and bring our schools into the 21st Century?Until such a time arises I will actively encourage my son, with a little supervision, to read anything and everything he chooses. The questions, even the awkward ones will still be answered honestly and hopefully his journey into young adulthood will not be a confusing, daunting or lonely experience.

After years of dreaming and worshipping the written word gina has finally taken the plunge and has dived headlong into her own writing career. Having long been a believer in the Montessori school of teaching, she believes that children from an early age should have a greater input on their education. http://the-importance-of-words.blogspot.com

Sugar gets everywhere and is probably one of the things that you consider when you’re looking at the ingredient of the food you serve to your children.

For instance, sugared water – also known as Cola – isn’t a drink that you’d normally make at home. If you were making a cup of coffee of tea, it’s highly unlikely that you’d add 7 teaspoons of sugar to it. Yet, if you are buying a commercially produced, non-diet, soft drink that’s the quantity of sugar you’d get per can.

So how do you start your children eating healthy food?

Start with weaning them off added-sugar drinks. Diet drinks have their own issues, so the ideal drink is water. Failing that, try a freshly squeezed fruit juice. Even this small change, from a high sugar added soft drink at the burger bar to water or orange juice can be a good start. After all, no matter how hard you try to get your children eating healthy food, there will still be times when they end up at a burger bar or a pizza restaurant.

When you are at the supermarket, watch out for added sugar. Be especially aware of products that shout out from the label that they are low on fat. Often the fat has been reduced, only to be replaced by sugar.

Remember that sugar often comes in different names on a food label. Watch out for these “alternative” names:

• Fructose
• Glucose
• Corn syrup
• Brown sugar
• Dextrose
• Galactose
• Honey
• Maltose
• Maple syrup
• Molasses
• Sucrose

Once you start looking, you’ll be surprised how often several of these appear in the same product. No wonder it’s not easy to get your children eating healthy food.

After cutting down on unnecessary sugars, your next point of attack in your quest to getting your children eating healthy food is probably fried food. Weaning your children off fried food, or at least reducing the number of times a week that they eat food that has been fried, should be next on your list.

Find lots of healthy eating recipes for kids at http://healthy-eating-for-kids.com

However, some child psychologists actually advise against giving very young children any electronic toy. They believe that babies and toddlers need to develop their hand and eye coordination, their imagination, and their motor skills—so giving something that moves and grooves at the touch of a button is counterproductive. The best educational toys are the Classic Toys.

Dolls

Dolls are certainly Classic Toys. Archaeological excavations have unearthed dolls that date back to thousands of years (talk about being sturdy!). These dolls may not have been able to sing or walk on their own, but they helped comfort a sick or frightened child, and were part of several imaginary adventures. These classic toys are also important in practicing social skills. As your child “interacts” with the toy, she plays out gestures or roles that she’s observed from adults around her. One of the best accessories for dolls are dollhouses, which make the imaginary games so much more real.

Wooden blocks

Wooden blocks are Classic Toys that your child will use for years. Younger toddlers would prefer to just bang them against each other—which builds their hand eye coordination and gross motor skills. As they gain greater control of their hand movements, these classic toys can be used to build towers, bridges and houses. The letters and numbers carved or painted on the side of wooden blocks also make them a great start to reading!

Balls

Does your child spend hours in front of the TV? Get him to play outside; where he can get the exercise he needs from running, jumping, and playing catch with friends. Child nutritionists are actually concerned that the sedentary lifestyle of kids today are leading to skyrocketing statistics of childhood obesity. So these classic toys can actually be exactly what the doctor recommends.

Rocking Horses

Look at any illustration of a children’s room, and you’re bound to find rocking horses included in the tableau. Rocking horses are some of the world’s most cherished classic toys, and are made of such fine craftsmanship and have such universal appeal that they are often passed down from one generation to the next. While they traditionally come in dappled gray, you can find them in many, many colors and sizes.

Kites

“Let’s go fly a kite, up where the air is light…” so goes the song about these classic toys from the classic musical Mary Poppins. While kites have no batteries or gizmos attached, they are a feat of skill—you need good aerodynamics. In fact, many see them as the precursor to planes, since the Wright Brothers studied kite movements while working on their historical invention.

The great thing about kites is that they can bring many happy hours of parent-child bonding. Make one together, and then take outside when the weather’s right. For some people, kite flying is a serious hobby, and they join worldwide kite flying competitions.

Wishrooms.com offers unique Kid Furniture for bedrooms and playrooms at affordable prices!

There are also wide choices of clothes for to choose from that come in all price ranges from cheap and affordable to expensive and luxurious. Baby girl clothing are mostly dominated by hues or accents in pink, purple, or yellow with bows, ribbons, embroidery and other embellishments that exude femininity. However, a lot of people buy baby clothes based on their appearance or the sheer cuteness or daintiness; they sometimes fail to realize the importance of baby’s safety and comfort in choosing baby girl clothing.

Functional Baby Girl Clothing

Parents may perhaps find it quite frustrating when they realize that the adorable outfit they purchased for their babies may be hard to put on or take off, especially for diaper changes. This is the reason why parents must first realize the function of baby clothes before buying them. Snaps, ribbons and bows, and even buttons may serve as adornments to make baby girl clothing even more adorable, yet parents must check where these are located for baby’s comfort and parents’ ease of putting the clothes on or taking them off. These decorative accents must not be bothersome to both baby and parents or caregivers alike.

Baby girl clothing must also give parents and caregivers easy access for diaper or clothing changes. Snap crotches are ideal for diaper changes, while clothes with stretchy necklines or those with snaps to widen the opening around baby’s head are ideal for easy and less bothersome clothing changes. Baby girl clothing must also be fit and appropriate for the season, if unsure, it is best to stick with seasonally appropriate clothing like cotton onesies and sleepers that can be layered to fit the temperature.

Parents may never tire of hearing about how babies quickly grow out of baby clothes, and are commonly advised to get baby girl clothing a size larger which they can use for a longer period. Accepting hand-me-downs from reliable sources may also be a great and cost-efficient way to enhance baby’s wardrobe. Baby girl clothes are definitely gorgeous, dainty and delicate to complement baby girls; the styles offered give parents more choices from traditional to trendy to satisfy both their and their baby’s clothing needs.

Billie Ray Martin is an expert in beauty and fashion topics and one of the editors of the Family site familyandkids.info. She has put up some pages about Baby Clothing and Baby Gifts

Television Watching can be a powerful teaching tool. By means of it, we learn about lands and people we may never visit, “we travel” to tropical jungles and polar ice caps, to mountain peaks and ocean depths. We pee into the intriguing worlds of both atom and stars. We watch news as to happen in the other side of the world. We gain insights into politics, history, current events and culture. Television Watching captures the lives of people in both tragedy and triumph.

The time that many people devote to Television Watching is astonishing. Recently, global study showed that, on average; Television Watching per person is about three hours each day. North Americans watch four and a half hours daily. While the Japanese top the list at five hours per day. These hours add up. If we watch four hours daily, by age 60, we will have spent ten years in front of the screen. Yet, none of us would want inscribed on our tombstone “Here lies our beloved friend, who devoted one sixth of his/her life on Television Watching.”

How are Television Viewers affected by a steady diet of Television violence and sex? Critics charge that Television violence causes people to act aggressively and to be less sympathetic towards victims of real-life violence. They also assert that the portrayal of sex promotes promiscuity and undermines rival standards.

Similarly, it has been difficult to prove that violence seen thru Television Watching causes crime and antisocial behavior. Many studies do suggest that there is such a link. It is hardly surprising, then that there are opposing points of view. A Canadian psychologist wrote. “The scientific evidence simply does not show that watching violence either produces violence in people or desensitizes them to it.” “However, the American psychological Association Committee on Media and Society said. “There is absolutely no doubt that higher levels of Television Watching of violence are correlated with increased acceptance of aggressive attitudes and increased aggressive behavior.”

Increasing number of Television viewers are becoming addicts. Though Television Watching offer much that is worthwhile, heavy Television Watching can cut into family time, hinder reading and academic performance in children and contribute to obesity. According to the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation, “Based on the cumulative evidence of studies conducted over several decades, the scientific and public health communities overwhelmingly conclude the viewing violence poses a harmful risk to children.”

The National Institute on Media and the Family puts it this way. “We agree with the American Academy of Pediatrics that there should be ‘NO TELEVISION WATCHING for children ages two and under.’ These children, who are undergoing tremendous brain development, need active play and real people interactions to promote their developmental, physical and social skills”

Don’t short change your family time with too much Television Watching TELEVISION VIEWING: EFFECTIVE CONTROL MEASURES x-rays five most effective ways of controlling excessive Television Watching.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Noble_Ihezie

The sudden appearance of a new baby can be rough on the other children in the family. Daily routines are disrupted and suddenly mom and dad are too busy to pay attention to older siblings. Worst of all, the new baby is the instant star of the family – the center of attention. The adorable baby is the big attraction for everyone from mom and dad, to visiting relatives, to casual acquaintances bumped into at the mall, right down to strangers on the street. Everyone is talking baby talk, cooing at the new baby, and making a fuss over the newborn. The older kids may feel shunted aside and resentful. This is especially true for the displaced former baby of the family.

Given these natural reactions, anything that you can do to prepare your other children for the new arrival will ease the transition. Everything you can do to involve your kids in advance and to get them to actually look forward to the birth will make a big difference in how they experience it. It might even help establish a stronger brother or sister bond with the new baby that will contribute to the lasting closeness of a positive sibling relationship.

Here are some simple ideas that expectant parents might try, to smooth the road ahead for their other children. Most are common knowledge or simply common sense, but sometimes too easily forgotten amid all the excitement and activity surrounding the birth of a new baby. A few might be new ideas that are worth a try. A little advance thought and preparation may go a long way towards making the “blessed event” a blessing for the ENTIRE family. Hopefully, you’ll be inspired to try some of these ideas, so here goes.

Let your other kids in on the secret as soon as the pregnancy is confirmed, well before it is obvious just by looking at mom. Even with your youngest children, try to give them some understanding of the changes that mom is going through and what they mean. Check out your local public library. It should have books geared to all different ages that can explain, in terms that children can understand, the biological process of having a baby. Picture books about baby animals may also help crystalize the concept and relate it to something your kids have already experienced, like watching newborn kittens, for example.

The library or local bookstore should also be able to guide you to works of fiction, including picture books for preschoolers, that focus on the arrival of a new baby in the family and such issues as jealousy and feelings of neglect. Quiet parent-child story reading times can provide an ideal opportunity to prepare young children for changes that are on the way and to reassure them of their own importance and irreplaceable position in the family. Discuss things openly and answer your kids’ questions.

Encourage your children to think about life with the new baby and how family routines will be altered. Coax your kids to develop their own lists of things that will be fun about having a new baby in the house – for example, they can push the baby carriage and help dress the baby. Help them think about all the things that they’ll be able to share with and teach the baby as he or she grows up and how important their role will be as a “big brother” or “big sister”.

At other times, let them focus on coming up with ways that they can help care for the baby or have them think of things they can do around the house to ease the burden on mom and dad. Also, take this opportunity to make your kids aware that babies require gentle handling and a quiet environment. You might even use a baby doll with your younger children to role play baby’s diaper changing and feeding.

Nurture the feeling that every family member is of equal importance and that each occupies a special niche and has special contributions to make. No one is being replaced by the baby and the family cannot be whole unless EVERYONE is a part of it. If your kids internalize this belief, you may be able to avoid some of the trauma and the understandable resentment toward this little stranger who has stolen mommy and daddy’s hearts. The better your children are prepared for the impending event, the better they’ll be able to cope with it emotionally.

As part of that preparation process, from time to time plan special activities with your kids that relate to babies. For example, they might draw pictures of babies or collect baby photos from magazines and create a collage. Sit down and go through photo albums of your kids’ baby pictures and reminisce with them about their own arrivals into the world. Re-tell any family anecdotes surrounding their births. Teach your children lullabies that they can sing to the baby, plus finger games and “peek-a-boo” games to entertain their new brother or sister.

Arts and crafts projects can furnish a special parent-child discussion and sharing time and may sometimes revolve around preparations for the new baby. Kids can make pictures to hang in the baby’s room, or create a baby-safe mobile to hang over the baby’s crib, or draw scenes in which they imagine their lives with the new baby – rocking the baby in their arms, and so forth.

Let the kids be involved in every facet of the preparations that you yourself are making for the baby’s arrival. Your kids can help you repaint the nursery or paint a mural on the nursery wall, and help you pick out baby furniture, bedding and nursery decorations. They can choose baby clothes that appeal to them. All of these things can later give the children pride and a sense of importance and inclusion in the baby’s life. When grandma says “What a cute bib the baby’s wearing,” your preschooler can say “I picked it !”

In addition, make your children key members of the family committee that chooses a name for the new baby. Keep the kids involved and actively participating and then, as the birth becomes imminent, dad and the kids may even conspire to prepare some extra, special, secret surprises for mom and the baby, like buying or creating a special keepsake item or putting together a “welcome home” party.

In short, it’s always worth the effort to do as much as you can to get your kids involved in and excited about the arrival of a new baby. Include them in every step of the process. The more they feel that it is THEIR baby, too, the more positive their attitudes will be towards the baby. In this way, you can try to minimize the natural insecurities and feelings of jealousy that go with the territory.

The suggestions mentioned in this article can help lay the groundwork for good sibling relationships but, of course, you can’t rest on your laurels once the baby is born. After the baby arrives, try to do everything you can to set aside some special time each day that’s just for you and each of your other children. Offer them special little treats or outings or surprises, and encourage grandma and grandpa to do the same. To reduce jealousy, give your kids pride in the things that they CAN do that the baby can’t do, like dressing themselves or enjoying a movie or reciting their ABCs. Continue along the path that you started on months earlier – reassure your kids that each of them is just as important as the baby is, so that they won’t feel that they must compete for your love and attention.

Good luck and oh, by the way, congratulations !

About the author:
Visit Barbara Freedman-DeVito’s website at http://www.childrensclothingbabyclothes.com for baby clothes, children’s clothing and gift items decorated with her colorful and amusing artwork for kids. Barbara is a professional storyteller, teacher and artist.

The truth is, we cannot have empathy toward abused children until we can honestly acknowledge the mistreatment from our own childhood experiences and examine the shortcomings of our own parents. To the extent we feel compelled to defend our parents and guard their secrets of abuse, we will do the same for others. We will look the other way. By continually insisting that we “turned out okay,” no matter how our parents might have abused us, we are reassuring ourselves and diverting our attention from deeply hidden unpleasant memories.

This is why, when someone says, your emotional pain is directly connected to the physical and/or sexual abuse you experienced, many people react as though a door barricaded since infancy has been smashed open. This barricaded, unconscious door has prevented people from committing the most dangerous, most unpardonable act of disloyalty imaginable, disloyalty to ones parents. People are afraid that by opening the door they might all through into an abyss—abandoned and cut off from any possibility of reconciliation with the parents they love. The fear is irrational. Denial—about what was done to our generation and, now, what we are doing and allowing to be done to the next generation—is the real danger and the real sin.

Society is in deep denial about:

• a sex offender’s ruse, their cunning distortion of the truth and their insidious ability to con people into believing they are innocent and/or the beleaguered party. i.e. Michael Jackson’s attorney was successful in convincing the jury that this family’s motive was extortion. Or worse that society has sexual hang ups about adults sleeping or bathing with children.
• what constitutes sexual child abuse. The definition of sexual child abuse is decided on the merits of each case rather than a ’standard definition.’ No other criminal act against another person is decided on a case by case basis. For example: If a person points a loaded gun at another person’s head and says, “If you move, I will shoot you.” That is considered a threat of attempted murder. If a person says, “I will kill you.” That is considered a threat of attempted murder. In the case of sexual child abuse, not only can a person sexually abuse a child and be acquitted of any wrong doing, the definition is changed based on the person accused, and on a ‘he said, he said or he said, she said basis.

Unless, and until society adjudicates sexual child abuse charges on the merits of the standard child sexual abuse definition, sex offenders will abuse children under society’s nose without fear of being arrested or found guilty.

The standard definition of sexual child abuse was first set forth by E. Sue Blume in her book, Secret Survivors.

“Incest [sexual abuse] is both sexual abuse and an abuse of power. It is violence that does not require force. The victim is being used by another, treated in a way that is not wanted or not appropriate by a person with whom a different relationship is required.
It is abuse because it does not take into consideration the needs or wishes of the child; rather, it meets the needs of the other person at the child’s expense. If the experience has sexual meaning for another person, in lieu of a nurturing purpose for the benefit of the child, it is abuse. If it is unwanted or inappropriate for her/his age or the relationship, it is abuse. Incest [sexual abuse] can occur through words, sounds, or even exposure of the child to sights or acts that are sexual but do not involve her/him. If she/he is forced to see what she/he does not want to see, for instance, by an exhibitionist, it is abuse. If a child is forced into an experience that is sexual in content or overtones, that is abuse. As long as the child is induced into sexual activity with someone who is in a position of greater power, whether that power is derived through the perpetrator’s age, size, status or relationship, the act is abusive. A child who cannot refuse, or who believes she/he cannot refuse, is a child who has been violated.” E. Sue Blume, Secret Survivors

The unbelievable truth: Pedophiles/ Ephebophiles conduct themselves as average and ordinary to the world. He or she may be a leader in the church; the community; or business. Pedophiles/ Ephebophiles seldom fit a classic stereotype education, socioeconomic status, career or culture. Furthermore, sexual abuse/incest is more difficult to believe or accept when the person we like, admire, love, and/or marry is the perpetrator. This is precisely why Jackson’s family, fans and the uninformed can unequivocally believe he could not possibly be an Ephebophile – having a sexual attraction to adolescents.

Pedophiles/Ephebophiles are cunning predators with a honed mode of operation. They are experts at manipulation, thus escaping adult reality. They feel entitled, justifying their actions as loving; not harming the child. They expend considerable energy maintaining this illusion to themselves and others. They create a persona of goodness beyond reproach. They go to great lengths to present themselves as exemplary people, who love children. Jackson’s defense attorney, Mesereau, invoked this convoluted logic in response to the judge’s ruling that previous accounts of sexual abuse claims, which were settled, was admissible. Mesereau countered, “He [Jackson] also has spent millions on children with AIDS. We can drown them with examples of where Mr. Jackson has been so benevolent, so generous, so charitable, so giving for good causes, that it will make their theory look silly.”

Mesereau’s statement exemplifies, that anyone who sees through the perpetrator’s facade is met with admonishment and rebuke for being critical, irrational, racist, out-to-get the person, and/or jealous. The perpetrator is the family and society’s emperor with no clothes. “I know my son, and this is ridiculous,” Jackson’s mother, Katherine Jackson, said in an interview on CBS “The Early Show.” She said people who believe Michael is guilty “don’t know him.” Jackson’s father, said his son was beloved around the world but had trouble in the United States because of racism. He said the accuser’s motives were clear: “It’s about money.”

Even more frightening Pedophiles/Ephebophiles do not hold beliefs reflecting society’s moral and ethical values. Therefore, coupled with the child’s innocence and trust of the abuser usually pressure or violence is seldom required. Thus, the perpetrator can unequivocally state, ‘I love children. Never-ever. I could never harm a child or anyone. It’s not in my heart. It’s not who I am.’? –Michael Jackson, 1993.

There is another insidious aspect to Jackson’s contact with adolescents: He unequivocally declares his relationship with young boys is ’sweet and innocent’ and admonishes anyone for believing it is sexual. Many people are mesmerized by his celebrity, and blindly condone his abuse of adolescent boys as ‘loving children.’

Using the definition of sexual abuse, Jackson’s befriending adolescent boys under the guise of helping them with a life threatening illness or recapturing his own lost childhood and/or sleeping with them, albeit, he slept on the floor and the child slept in his bed, is in and of itself sexual abuse.

About the author:
Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD specializes in Family issues, including verbal, physical and sexual abuse prevention and recovery. Author of If I’d Only Known…Sexual Abuse in or out of the Family: A Guide to Prevention www.gen-assist.com/book.asp